Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
