Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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