Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
