I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
