I can tuck mytits in my pants
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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