john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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