It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
