At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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