Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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