Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
