Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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