just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
