Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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