I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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