This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
