I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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