Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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