so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
