Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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