She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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