dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He shit in the fireplace
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize