he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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