so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
