i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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