i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
