I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
