you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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