Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
