I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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