I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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