WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
