Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
