Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
try to milk me bitch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
