I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
