she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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