Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
