i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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