Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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