if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
