id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
