nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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