just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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