Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
