So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
