Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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