the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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