Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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