He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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