i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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