Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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