Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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