I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
