she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.