I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
