i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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