i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
