You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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