I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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