I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
