So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
