those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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