I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
should my penis look like a turkey
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
