He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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