I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
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